Kids Say The Darndest Things
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister...
After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked
his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so
much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried
in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her
Mom explained it was a child-proof cap, and she'd have to open it for
her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know
it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please
don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I
cost?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried, when his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while, and then
asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but
his wife looked back, and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked:
'What happened to the flea?'
Overheard during a recent Sunday sermon....'Dear Lord,' the minister
began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his
upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued,
but at that moment, a very obedient child who was listening, leaned over
to her mom, and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old
girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
***
Rednecks have the lowest stress rate, because they do not understand
the seriousness of most medical terminology. Here are some common
examples.
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - What doctors do when patients die
Benign - What you be, after you be eight
Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome
Cat Scan - Searching for Kitty
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
Colic - A sheep dog
Coma - A punctuation mark
Dilate - To live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - Quicker than someone else
Fibula - A small lie
Impotent - Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane
Morbid - A higher offer
Nitrates - Rates of Pay for Working at Night
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - A person who has fainted
Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - A letter carrier
Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery
Rectum - Nearly killed him
Secretion - Hiding something
Seizure - Roman Emperor
Tablet - A small table
Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport
Tumor - One plus one more
Urine - Opposite of you're out
--- SBBSecho 3.15-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (454:1/33)
|
